At the end of the day even we can't change what's meant to be...

mynameis_ilsa @ 2007-11-05T21:46:00

2007-11-06T05:47:39Z

I hate it here.....

What? What's this? I almost forgot how....

2006-02-22T20:29:35Z

It's an update! A MIRACULOUS MIRACLE! Haha oh redundancy. Anyway....It's been like a year and some change since my last update...not counting last nights update letting the world of LJ know I wans't dead.

A lot has happened in the time span since I've last updated this little guy. i've met a lot of amazing people, done some cool stuff, done some pretty ordinary stuff. Made some decisions and set a pretty sure course for the future. Which is rad, considering last time I was here I had no idea what I wanted.

Right now I'm living in downtown Portland with Amanda G., the best roomate ever. Without her I would shrivel up and die. There was previous roomate drama and she saved me. She's like my other brain half and I love her! In fact, she is my wife. We aren't allowed to speak in public because we're a tad...foul. ALL QUESTIONS MUST BE SUBMITTED IN WRITING!

Last february I met three of my favorite people in all the world, someday they'll be the biggest band ever. Aisle 3, or Ryan Baggerly, Price Johnson and Andrew "Spoonie Love" Kenny. These guys amaze me to this day. Never in my life have I believed in anyone so much. They are my driving force and if it kills me I will see them make it! Amanda & I are in the process right now of starting our own Independant promotions company, Falcon Promoions. Inspired by the guys. They are solely dedicated to bringing amazing music back to the world, starting locally. And that's how we come in. Check us out at myspace.com/falconpromotions for our mission statement.

I was in a serious relationship for a while, didn't work out. We're still good friends. I'm currently seeing someone now and they are very special to me.

This is a long come back update. I'm at work...I should go make some copies. I DON'T WANNA!!!!

~Siera~

Maybe I'll do this more. Like every other week or so?

One hundred years later....

2006-02-21T06:57:35Z

Don't bury me....

I'm not dead!

~Siera~

Holy crap

2005-06-02T18:32:58Z

Um.....Randall died. That was the fish. I'm fairly certain Brandon doesn't read this, but your fish is dead. It was gross....there was stuff growning on him...and he hadn't even been dead that long...like overnight. Though I do believe he was the Highlander of fish and considering he was supposed to be Immortal and all...the death process should be more gruesome when you're Immortal. Whatever. One less thing for me to care about packing while I move. Oh yeah. I'm moving out in like....8 days. WOO finally.
~Siera~

RIH Highlander....
That's Rest In Hell...I'm glad you've finally died.

Skinny little Nancy Callahan...she grew up, she filled out...

2005-04-02T21:50:55Z

Sin City was so good it took it penis and smacked me in the face with it. Amazing. That's the only good thing about life right about now. So I'm going to go live in the theatre and view that movie for an entire week straight. I don't care if my eyes rot out of my head. Or even if I get sores from sitting in one spot for too long. It'll be worth it. It made me want to become a crazed, maniacal, stripping, half-naked killing machine. And I will learn. And I will do. And it will be good.
~me~

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-03-30T10:32:00

2005-03-30T18:32:29Z

You can't really trust anyone. Not even yourself because is it your head telling you this...or your heart. Trust is overrated anyway. All you really need is your roof, some gold bars and a sawed off shot gun. I'd call that the good life.

SO....we meet again

2005-03-02T20:36:05Z

It's been awhile. There's lots of stuff going on. I still hate everybody just as much as always, that's what happens when you work retail. But on a lighter note. Instead of flat out loosing my mind like I thought I was going to not so long ago...I've gained a boyfriend and 3 mini ones...(they're his roomates and I love them). And they're actually not that mini...they're all rather tall. But Price is the smallest...it's weird. I'm not dating someone a foot or more taller than me. Hm.
~Siera~

Take this!

2005-02-15T07:07:32Z

There are varying opinions as to the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts state that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who was martyred for refusing to give up Christianity. He died on February 14, 269 A.D., the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. Legend also says that St. Valentine left a farewell note for the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine". Other aspects of the story say that Saint Valentine served as a priest at the temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. Claudius then had Valentine jailed for defying him. In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius set aside February 14 to honour St. Valentine.

Gradually, February 14 became the date for exchanging love messages and St. Valentine became the patron saint of lovers. The date was marked by sending poems and simple gifts such as flowers. There was often a social gathering or a ball.

In the United States, Miss Esther Howland is given credit for sending the first valentine cards. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800's and now the date is very commercialised. The town of Loveland, Colorado, does a large post office business around February 14. The spirit of good continues as valentines are sent out with sentimental verses and children exchange valentine cards at school.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The History of Saint Valentine's Day
Valentine's Day started in the time of the Roman Empire. In ancient Rome, February 14th was a holiday to honour Juno. Juno was the Queen of the Roman Gods and Goddesses. The Romans also knew her as the Goddess of women and marriage. The following day, February 15th, began the Feast of Lupercalia.

The lives of young boys and girls were strictly separate. However, one of the customs of the young people was name drawing. On the eve of the festival of Lupercalia the names of Roman girls were written on slips of paper and placed into jars. Each young man would draw a girl's name from the jar and would then be partners for the duration of the festival with the girl whom he chose. Sometimes the pairing of the children lasted an entire year, and often, they would fall in love and would later marry.

Under the rule of Emperor Claudius II Rome was involved in many bloody and unpopular campaigns. Claudius the Cruel was having a difficult time getting soldiers to join his military leagues. He believed that the reason was that roman men did not want to leave their loves or families. As a result, Claudius cancelled all marriages and engagements in Rome. The good Saint Valentine was a priest at Rome in the days of Claudius II. He and Saint Marius aided the Christian martyrs and secretly married couples, and for this kind deed Saint Valentine was apprehended and dragged before the Prefect of Rome, who condemned him to be beaten to death with clubs and to have his head cut off. He suffered martyrdom on the 14th day of February, about the year 270. At that time it was the custom in Rome, a very ancient custom, indeed, to celebrate in the month of February the Lupercalia, feasts in honour of a heathen god. On these occasions, amidst a variety of pagan ceremonies, the names of young women were placed in a box, from which they were drawn by the men as chance directed.

The pastors of the early Christian Church in Rome endeavoured to do away with the pagan element in these feasts by substituting the names of saints for those of maidens. And as the Lupercalia began about the middle of February, the pastors appear to have chosen Saint Valentine's Day for the celebration of this new feaSt. So it seems that the custom of young men choosing maidens for valentines, or saints as patrons for the coming year, arose in this way.

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-02-10T08:12:00

2005-02-10T16:13:48Z

Oh yeah...I'm God because I just bought 3 tickets to The Killers show in April and they're not on sale to the general public yet. Now make love to the idea of that.
~me~

The Night I Lost the Will to Fight~Cursive

2005-02-10T16:12:38Z

I need a catalyst
To rekindle the flame
That once burned within these fists
Where defeat remains

One February night
We screamed our agonies
And I swear I tried to care
I tried, I tried

But the icicles hung down like prison bars
And I lost the will to fight

Bored...can't sleep

2005-02-04T08:42:12Z

1. Who are you?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. How have I affected you?

5. What do you think of me?

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?

7. How long do you think we will be friends?

8. Do you love me?

9. Do you have a crush on me?

10. Would you kiss me?

11. Would you hug me?

12. Physically, what stands out?

13. Emotionally, what stands out?

14. Do you wish I was cooler?

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

17. Am I loveable?

18. How long have you known me?

19. Describe me in one word.

20. What was your first impression?

21. Do you still think that way about me now?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What makes me happy?

25. What makes me sad?

26. What reminds you of me?

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?

28. How well do you know me?

29. When's the last time you saw me?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

31. Do you think I could kill someone?

32. Have we ever had sex?

33. Do you miss me?

34. Do you think i miss you?

35. Are you going to put this on your MYSPACE and see what I say about you?

IMPROMPTU BONUS ROUND:

36. Did you know there is a new Batman coming out soon and are you fucking psyched?

37. If I needed a kidney (not because I was DYING perse, but just because I needed something to stick my dick into), would you kill someone to get me one?

38. Will you buy me Protools HD?

39. When's the last time you ate McDonald's (McDevil's)?

40. Why haven't you fucking STOPPED eating that shit yet?!?!?!

41. Give me 2 names for a killer "Who would win:" scenario, such as Harry Potter vs. Chuck Norris:

42. Have you seen me naked?

43. Do you swear not to tell anyone about that spinal vagina the doctors couldn't remove?

44. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? Better yet, where in the fuck is Rockapella???

45. Remember that rumor about Bobby McFerrin killing himself, and the hilarious irony that the man who wrote "Don't Worry, Be Happy" took his own life, and then later on you found out that it wasn't true and you got all pissed off?

46. Stupid assed retro (I know it's cliche') question, but do you miss Crystal Pepsi too?

47. Did YOUR presidential candidate win?

48. Why have I been single for 2+ years?

49. What should question .50 be?

50. Are you a bit disappointed THIS is question .50?

oh good god

2005-02-04T07:08:36Z

I've never in my life wanted to throw my phone out of a train...but good GOD! I can't take it! BAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
~kill me....in the face~

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-01-26T15:47:00

2005-01-26T23:58:53Z

You're a stupid little girl and I hope you cry. I hope you cry a lot.
You've got a lot to learn if you want to live in this world.
Or at least pretend to.
You're an idiot and I pretty much hate you.
In fact I kind of wish you were dead.
Yep. Pretty much.
I don't know you at all. I never did.
You're stupid for feeling right about this.
It's wrong. It will only get worse.
And then the pain will come.
Then I'll be there...
Laughing.
Then I'll be there...
To kick you while you're down.
Then I'll be there...
To cut you and watch you bleed.
I really hope you know how stupid you are.
Because you're REALLY stupid. I want to punch you.
My chest burns with a fierce, burning hate just thinking of your name.
You'll never be happy if you stay where you are.
Right now.
Get out. Go. Move. Run.
Or Die.
Either way...
I still hate you

Fuck you and everything else.

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-01-25T18:19:00

2005-01-26T02:22:32Z

Oh...I just wanna smack somebody in their mouth.

So turns out I'm full of hate

2005-01-19T01:49:39Z

Really it's true. Turns out my life is filled with liars. Everywhere I go...there is someone lying to me. And then it turns out that I have to hate them...I didn't want to but, sweet lord you made me do it. Anyway. Last week William Hurt was a guest in my Acting II class. Yeah. Google him if you don't know who he is. He's an Oscar winning actor...he was in The Village and Michael...anyway, he's a dick.
~Siera~

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-01-03T23:01:00

2005-01-04T07:07:41Z

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.
I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.
For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,
Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?
(I'm not okay)
I told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means
(I'm not okay)
To be a joke and look, another line without a hook
I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks
The photographs your boyfriend took
You said you read me like a book, but the pages are all torn and frayed

I'm okay
I'm okay!
I'm okay, now
(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me
Because I'm telling you the truth
I mean this, I'm okay!
(Trust Me)

I'm not okay
I'm not okay
Well, I'm not okay
I'm not o-fucking-kay
I'm not okay
I'm not okay
(Okay)
I'm sick. It sucks. I don't wanna go to class tomorrow. I saw Justin Inman today. He came into my store to talk to me...it was weird. Then my Sammy came to see me. (!) I really miss him. He wasn't with Linda either! Another ugly girl, but not Linda. I went into the back without hugging him and he came over & yanked on my hair & was like You bitch! I just told him that the hair pulling turned me on. Then we laughed & I asked him what he wanted & he was like I wanted a hug!!! Then he hugged me for about 4 minutes. I asked him how he'd been and he said, while "laughing," I've been miserable. It made me sad. Then when he left the mall he was in a hurry but he hugged me hard...*sigh* I miss that fucker.
~Siera~

mynameis_ilsa @ 2005-01-01T20:37:00

2005-01-02T04:38:32Z

I didn't think GLITTER could be any worse than I all ready knew it was without seeing it...but there was just a scene with a MARIMBA...and then there was sex. OH WHAT THE FUCK

Fuck. I just ruined a lifetime resolution....

2005-01-02T04:37:26Z

I turned on the tv and goddamnit...GLITTER was on. I vowed, nay, "resolved" never to watch that piece of shit movie in my entire life! And lo....here it is...on the screen. Sucking the life out of me. Sucking all the intellegence and beauty that I've just seen not only 2 hours ago. That glorious piece of cinema that is "Spanglish" now being melted out of my brain by GLITTER. Son of a bitch. Anyway. I'm going to go die now. I'm going to stab myself in the (insert body part) with a (insert object).
~Siera~

Last night was boring. But Little Megan was hilarious.

mynameis_ilsa @ 2004-12-31T17:53:00

2005-01-01T02:37:26Z

=CURRENT=
mood :: Bored as fuck
music :: The rain...and that troll Jason Mraz is stuck in my head...I don't know why
taste :: Chocolate Hazelnut candies...mmmm
hair :: Emo as shit...it's hot
annoyance :: Not having plans, or real ones, for tonight...or being able to get ahold of people
smell :: Me...I smell damned good right now! Its the new perfume I bought
thing I ought to be doing :: nothing actually...
computer windows open :: LJ and my buddy lists
desktop picture :: JUDE LAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! mmm that man...
favorite band :: oh golly.
book :: I just started re-reading The Princess Bride...I love that book so much
cd in stereo :: *shameful* Britney Spears....
favorite celeb :: JUDE LAW!!!!!! mmm that man...
hate :: I hate people in general pretty much
=DO I=
Smoke? :: no
Do drugs? :: only prescribed
Have a dream that keeps coming back? :: not lately
Read the newspaper? :: on occasion
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? :: when the time calls
Consider yourself tolerant of others? :: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha...fuck off.
Consider love a mistake? :: not if you do it right
Like the taste of alcohol? :: some of it
Have a favorite candy? :: hmm...does chocolate count? I've had an argument over chocolate not being candy before...
Believe in astrology? :: eh...
Believe in magic? :: why not
Believe in God? :: *shrug*
Have any pets? :: An autistic gay dog and an immortal fish
Go to or plan to go to college? :: shit, I don't think I'll ever be done...
Have any piercings? :: nine of em
Hate yourself :: somedays more than others, but its only when I do stupid things
Have an obsession? :: maybe? Oh wait....movies.
Care about looks? :: "Anyone who says that doesnt is a lying sack of shit" ~Good call Schrek!

=LOVE LIFE=
Ever been in love? :: It was the first love type...
Do you believe in love at first sight? :: lust yes...still questioning love
Do you believe in "the one?" :: yes
Describe your ideal significant other :: *sighs* No. I'm keeping that to myself.

=JUICY STUFF=
Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing? :: yes
Have you ever been intoxicated? :: yes
Height :: 5'_ (How are these juciy questions? Oooo you've had alcohol! SEX!)

=LAST THING YOU=
Bought :: a wallet a Fossil...its red
Ate :: chocolate hazelnut candies
Drank :: OJ
Read :: this quiz thing
Watched on tv :: The News...I hate the news

=EITHER/ OR=
club or house party :: house
drinks or shots :: yikes...either way it's not gonna take much
cats or dogs :: *saddens* I hate cats.
single or taken :: piss off
pen or pencil :: pen
gloves or mittens :: gloves...mittens make my hands claustrophobic
food or candy :: food...fuck candy if I can have food
cassette or cd :: Depends on what I'm listening to...ie my Milli Vanilli tape!
coke or Pepsi :: pepsi deffinatly...unless its cherry coke cause cherry pepsi blows ass

=WHO DO YOU WANT TO
kill: oh god...the list is so very long...can I make a list of people that I don't want dead instead?
look like :: tamara mello...she was on the WB's popular...yeah...and apparently I look asian???
be like :: Aeon Flux...bendy, lanky, weird bitch. She'd kill your ass and quick. I don't understand why Charlieze Theron is playing her in the big screen version...*sighs*
avoid :: people.

=LAST PERSON YOU=
talked to :: Sabina
hugged :: My grandma
instant messaged :: . . . I don't know

=WHERE DO YOU=
eat :: anywhere because I love food...and it loves me
cry :: alone
wish you were :: anywhere but here

=HAVE YOU EVER=
Dated one of your best friends? :: I thought so
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry? :: yeah
Done drugs? :: not first-hand. . . . . you figure that one out for yourselves
Broken the law? :: Me? Never. I'm too sweet to be dangerous! I'd never assault anyone...
Run away from home? :: No...tried when I was three if that tells you anything
Broken a bone? :: No, but I've bulled things, sprained things...oh wait I did break my finger in the 3rd grade. The middle finger of my left hand...it was a sign. It all went downhill from there.
Played Truth Or Dare? :: Yes...but then we grew up and that game turned into "I Never!"
Kissed someone you didn't know? :: I'm a whore...yes
Been in a fight? :: Verbally AND physically! I'm a PISTOL!
Come close to dying? :: Sure why not. I drive crazy. I admit it. And I swear if anyone mentions that one time I will fucking come through your computer and claw your face.

=WHAT IS=
The most embarrassing CD in your collection? :: I still own every CD I've ever had...there are lots. Backstreet Boys, Limp Bizkit, N'Sync, Britney Spears...but I will NEVER say I'm embarrassed of my Spice Girls CDs because I'm not! I still have one of their posters on my wall...maybe a step too far with the admitting my love for them...oi.
Your bedroom like? :: Huge and full of crap...nostalgia mania.
Your favorite thing for breakfast? :: pills
Your favorite restaurant? :: wow...I don't know yet.

=RANDOM QUESTIONS=
What's on your bedside table? :: pictures I've taken of places.
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? :: whatever I want
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? :: Jesus. If I'm in one of those moods I watch Overboard to make me feel better...if I want to cry I watch Steel Magnolias or anything girly where someone is terminal or dies.
What is your biggest fear?:: Clowns or being alone
What feature are you most insecure about? :: If I don't tell you, I don't have to worry about it as much
Do you ever have to beg? :: feh
Are you a pyromaniac? :: I do enjoy the fire...
Crushes? :: Jude Law...um...hahaha.
Do you know anyone famous? :: Maybe I do...and maybe I don't
Describe your bed :: best bed ever
Spontaneous or plain? :: I've got a streak
Do you know how to play poker? :: no...and that is why I don't play strip poker
What do you carry with you at all times? :: my purse...everythings in it I need
What do you miss most about being little? :: The TV...best shows ever...PERFECT STRANGERS! fuck *theme song*
Are you happy with your given name? :: whats done is done
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? :: someone to do my homework for me and I'd say around $2million...sure its steep but hey...we are the technology age...
What color is your bedroom? :: white and postery
What was the last song you were listening to? :: Me Against the Music...dammit
Do you talk a lot? :: I guess
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? :: yeah, sure.
Do you think you're cute? :: I don't answer to that.
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? :: Poor/starving people are totally different from the homeless. There are poor people who have very low paying jobs & live in shitholes...hence POOR. Then there are starving people, like the people in third world countries. I'm not annoyed by them. The poor people are trying to better their lives, well some of them. And the starving people...there's not really anything they can do! They live in a poor country with waaaaaaaay too many people and not enough of anything. But some, not all homeless people, do infact annoy me. There are shelters for them, they could get jobs with places like Street Roots...oh man. I had a conversation like this at work a couple days ago. Oh golly.
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? :: I'm a terrible person and I'll be the first to admit it.
Have you ever been caught "doing something?" :: almost
Scared to make the first move? :: nah, if you want to get something done...you'd damn well better start doin it.

=WORD ASSOCIATION=
Rubber :: sleeve
Punk :: rawk
Green :: not easy...
Peanut:: explosives
Wet :: slippery
Hay :: gabba gabba
Cold :: ice
Steamy :: foamy
Freaky :: Naughty
Rain :: only happy when it...
Bite :: me
Blow :: pops

mynameis_ilsa @ 2004-12-27T00:17:00

2004-12-27T08:18:50Z

wow...people are reading the bible on Blind Date...in the Jaccuzzi! Frickin' weirdo chick!
~Siera~

mynameis_ilsa @ 2004-12-26T23:10:00

2004-12-27T07:10:21Z

I don't like liars...nope not at all.

Oh sweet hell

2004-12-25T07:41:16Z

What the hell happened to Clevelands choir???? It surely sucks mega ass now. I know 3 people on it (Savira, Jon B. and Sid) and I recognize a few faces. And by a few I mean like...4. Other than that it's all a blank. And they were just on "Sounds of the Season" and the season sounded like shit. And they also had no rhythm whatsoever. At least when I was in high school, ever year the choir (each one) sounded phenomenal and looked as good as they could swaying and snapping. These kids (Savira exculded he knows what he's doing...Jon had some spindly ho attached to him that drug him down) had NO concept of the snap & sway. It made me want to cry...then vomit. And then punch them. I guess Steve's pretty hard up now that the Golden Age of CHS is dead.
~Siera~

What a difference a day makes...

2004-12-21T06:57:06Z

Two years ago to the day. It would've been...if we were still together. Two years today.
Happy Un-Anniversary Brandon. Randall's still not dead.
~Siera~

To keep you informed...

2004-12-20T04:45:51Z

I may say this a lot, but I'm never not serious about it. I give up entirely on guys. The cat lady thing, yeah, that's a joke. But guys...no. I just give up. You (for the most part) all suck. Wow...WOW! And guys say girls are drama....
~me~

"Sing Badly, if you must, but Sing."

2004-12-13T06:04:32Z

My uncle offered me a job teaching. In France.
~Siera~